Joseph’s Blog – josephrodgers.com

Hola bromigo! Diary, this is what’s up… I’ve been in the news recently. Society being the hater it is, has been hating on me. You obviiously know how crunk I was in Full House and you also know Im a skinny bitch. Recently I was quoted,

“I think it’s really important to be able to talk when something’s wrong, I learned at a really young age that if you don’t talk about it, it can drive you insane.”

These prick editors at Mary Claire magazine thought I was talking about an eating disorder.  They took that shit out of context. I will give you one guess as to what was wrong was in my life. It starts with “Bitch Ash” and ends with “ley”. Yes, I said it. Yes, I just set that fucking record straight. And speaking of Full House, I wouldn’t wish that shit on any child. Think about it, sharing a character role with a cunt like Ashley. Fuck that. Yeah I lost weight, you would too if you had to live with this bitch. Fuck this. I’m about to crush a few Red Bulls and Ramen. 

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I’m back mf’ers. Shit’s been crazy for me. As you can imagine, I’ve been jetsetting all over the place this summer. NYC is treating me well but there is a major problem in my life. Uncle Joey won’t stop sexting me. JK but serious, Ashley is still a bitch. I started doing yoga and my instructor gave me a list of things to do and not do. You know I don’t like pricks hating on me so this shit ain’t gonna fly. Top of the list, stop smoking. I’m a modern woman and I clearly don’t give a fuck. I looked him squarely in the face and said “Larry King Elbow… you’re gonna have to fuck off.” 

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Dear Diary,

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Guess what happened last week… no, I quit blow silly. I was involved in an airplane incident, however it wasn’t a cockpit incident, well not one I created. There was like a fire and the windshield got cracked. My QDF, queer dick fuck, publicist Phil said “It was a harrowing experience.” I got a great idea Phil, GTFO. Pussy ass. So I was headed to L.A. But we had to emergency land in VA. It’s probably for the best cause you know I was planning on crunking with Lohan.

P.S. Ashley, mom called and she said your a bitch, too.

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My BFF Lohan sent me a link so I obviously clicked that bitch. It linked me to this epic gem of a gif, my kid sis deep throating a Popsicle. Shit never changes. She was griping at me over the weekend cause instead of wearing clean underwear I just turned them inside out. I mean, we were fucking brownie scouts, and inside out panties lifts morale. I’m gonna give that bitch sister pink eye in her sleep.

*On a serious side note* do not attempt to substitue Natural Light for water when making ramen noodles… or do.

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Sometimes I want to start out a diary entry with Dear Diarrhea. That being said, I’m cranking this entry out on the shitter. It’s proper as fuck. When I woke up Saturday I knew I was going to get wild as shit. I took a long walk in Central Park where I was approached by a pack of pricks, I mean hipsters. They were all like, you’ll never be as hip as us you rich bitch. As you can imagine, I was pissed. Little did these skinny jean wearing fucks know, I ALWAYS pack brass knuckles. One flex and the little bitches were running.

So ya, shit got much better. I went home and napped. You know some ramen noodles were involved. After my nap, it was party time. I got all did up and hit the town. Next thing I know I’m funneling gin and hotsauce at the local rock joint. Like a boss. Next thing I know, I’ve got a pounding headache. Evidently, hotsauce and gin don’t mix well. Like at all. So I ask this pretty boy for an advil. I should have known better, I mean his hair was all spiked, spiked being the key word here. So he whips out a packet of BC Powder and down the hatch it goes. Guess what, don’t trust spiked hair pencil dicks. Evar. It must have been ambien because I don’t remeber shit else. I woke up in the girls bathroom locked in a stall. This stupid pic is the only one I took all night.

Moral of the story: fuck hipsters and hair gel.

Not to mention the god damn soap box lecture my bitch sister tried to give me. News for her, get some dick.

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